PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
