i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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