Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
