Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
