i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize