Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
