This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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