I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
