How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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