every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
