to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
