My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize