I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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