uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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