I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
