Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize