If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will be naked everywhere
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Randomize
