Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
