His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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