You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
