Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
