i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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