Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the condom got lost in my hair
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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