where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
