Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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