apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
