You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize