Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
