mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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