tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
