Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
