so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
