Betty ford says i'm here all night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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