I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
how does that bad decision feel?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
