My underwear smells like fireworks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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