dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
