Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize