yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
