Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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