Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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