How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
