A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
