Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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