Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
