I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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