I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this boner is exhausting
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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