you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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