so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
