I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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