My hand turned me down
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
