Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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