Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
