Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
id be glad to
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
