..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You're completely useless in the revolution.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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