Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
two words...techno handjob
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize