god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
