And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
