is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Send help, water and tortillas.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
