she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize