He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
