I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
