Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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