i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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