I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
