I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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