i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
