You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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