well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
