Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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