Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
