I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
