We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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