New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
