I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
