Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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