absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
