I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
