Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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