oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
