R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he wants to bone in the snuggie
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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