"it" just moved
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
