a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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