He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
