Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
