remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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