That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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