I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
