i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
sarcasm needs its own font
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
