I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
