You smell like stripper and shame
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
