Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
