So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
