fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
