i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
