I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
