New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
