So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
