i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
