i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
