Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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