Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
