I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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