WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
