It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
