in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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