Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Even my vagina gasped.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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