I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
