Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
